Windsurfing Safety

There’s not a lot of room to store safety gear on a windsurfer. Even if you modded your board or booms by attaching hooks and carabiners to hold bags for flares, radios, food & water and so on, you’d quickly end up with an unbalanced bulky and heavy rig that was terrible to sail and the purpose of even going windsurfing would be defeated.

Good news! You already have an extremely effective safety device that you carry around with you all the time that can get you out of almost every dangerous situation you might possibly encounter while windsurfing, and it’s even great for preventing you from getting into dangerous situations to begin with. What is this fantastic miraculous safety device?

Your brain.

Ah, yes, the oft-overlooked ol’ noodle. That counter-weight inside your skull that helps with effective head-butting. The thing that stops your eyes from rolling back into your head and down your throat. Scientists have discovered that with only minimal input, the brain can effectively guide the rest of the body and keep it from doing dangerous things.

Here are five basic windsurfing safety inputs you can easily place into your brain:

ALWAYS STAY WITH THE BOARD. No matter what. Not only does it float, it’s big and white and much easier to see by people in planes looking for you. Takeaway: If you have some sort of issue out on the water and you don’t stay with the board, you could die.

TELL SOMEONE WHERE YOU’RE GOING. Never head out from the beach without first having told someone on land where you’re going and when you expect to be back. Takeaway: If you don’t tell anyone where you’re going and you have some kind of issue out on the water, you could die.

IF POSSIBLE DON’T SAIL ALONE. Try to go windsurfing with at least one other person. Not only is it more fun, scientists have proven that multiple brains can figure out issues better than one brain. Takeaway: If you sail alone and you have some kind of issue out on the water, you could die.

DON’T WINDSURF WITH QUESTIONABLE GEAR. Questionable gear includes boards with cracked or broken mast tracks, mast bases with deeply cracked rubber tendons or mechanical joints that are loose or have missing parts, deeply faded 1980’s sails with loose threads sticking out everywhere, old epoxy masts that are “furry” with glass fibers, and any lines that are deeply frayed. Takeaway: If you head out with questionable gear, you could die.

DON’T WINDSURF IN DANGEROUS CONDITIONS. If you’re not sure what “dangerous conditions” are, here are a few examples: 1) Night. This should need no further explanation. If you are confused by this, your brain may be defective. 2) When you are hearing thunder. This too should need no further explanation. If you are confused by this, your name might be “Abbie Normal.” 3) When strong wind is blowing away from shore towards the open sea. If you ignore this one, and by some miracle you do not die before making landfall, learn to say this to greet your new friends: “Soy un idiota y me han soplado aqui desde Shell Point, Florida.” Takeaway: If you windsurf in dangerous conditions, you could die.

Simply place the above five safety inputs into your brain, and presto! You are now the proud owner of the greatest windsurfing safety device ever invented!



- Ted Avellone